Wednesday, February 9, 2011


The apartment still smells like fruit juice and alcohol; I have small bruises on my breast where a pretty new boy bit me. (I couldn't return the favor. He has something like a don't-ask-don't-tell relationship with his girlfriend, which frustrated the sadist in me.) It was a good party, and this is really my first day home in the aftermath.

Kitten spent most of yesterday here after she got out of work, doing the reading for one of her courses and cleaning in frustration. She worries that she's taking over my space, but I spent yesterday an hour's drive from my apartment, and came home to find the evidence of the party eradicated, save for bright tissue-paper flowers and the occasionally sticky spot on the tile floor.

It's becoming harder and harder to pretend that she doesn't live with me. When I rented this place in November, she swore that she would only stay here two nights a week, and the occasional afternoon. These days she sleeps here most nights, and when she stays at her parents' house, she arrives late at night and leaves early the next morning.

I like it. She likes to play the domestic, cooking and cleaning. I'm often caught up in my schoolwork, or whatever project has grabbed my attention: I'll do laundry, and dishes, and take out the garbage,  but I can ignore dust until it starts threatening to overtake my books.

She doesn't drive, so I take her where she needs to go. I like driving.

She said, last night, that we might make better roommates than significant others, when I called her on it, she promptly stuck her foot in her mouth. (Literally.) She has a point, though. We're friends, we're lovers, we effectively live together...but I don't understand what the special magic element is that makes it a relationship. Facebook statuses?

She wants children. I don't. We know that this will eventually require us to separate. I'm ok with this. We'll always be friends. I don't need forever.

Neither of us do monogamy, and I suppose that I don't really understand it. She is my girl and I love her and I want her with me. That's enough, right?

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